Coffee Talk Chit-Chat Captivating Ch.3

Ch. 2 Haunted by a Question:

What I'm learning from Chapter 3:

Those of you whom haven't known me for a long period of time may not know that I spent about 5 years completely away from God...I left God...He didn't leave me. And about 5 more years of trying to get back to a 100% full throttle relationship with Christ...During the first 5 years I was this woman...

Pg. 50

When a woman falls from grace, what is most deeply marred is her tender vulnerability, beauty that invites to life. She becomes a dominating, controlling woman or a desolate, needy mousy woman. Or some odd combination of both, depending on her circumstances.

Pg. 52

Fallen Eve controls her relationships. She refuses to be vulnerable. And if she cannot secure her relationships, then she kills her heart's longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control. She becomes a woman "who doesn't need anyone especially a man."

I have felt many things while reading this chapter...one being I'm so glad I'm reading this book...but also I have felt mourning...mourning the girl I was without Christ...not that I want to be her again...but that I was ever her at all...it's interesting not to enter this subject with guilt and shame...I see now that God has healed me of that and I am thankful...I believe it is crucial sometimes to look back and see wear you have come from so God can show you all he's done in your life, where you are now and even a glimpse into where you are heading...and this is what he is doing for me write now at this time reading this chapter...I feel my throat tightening even now thinking of that lost, sad, lonely girl I was without hope for tomorrow...and my thankful heart sores with emotion and love for God and all he has done for me...in me...Thank you Lord for never giving up on me...amen

But I also see the things that I fight not to be today...cut off emotionally from people, not allowing my self to be vulnerable to the point that my own emotions are out of my control...these are my present day struggles that I must overcome...so...God is showing me that there is something to learn from looking back...for me...defining where these behaviors are stemming from is key to helping me become more like Christ and letting this stuff go...and honestly I have not put two and two together until reading Ch. 3...so if I didn't learn one more thing from this book I am walking away with a wealth of knowledge already...this is changing my life in a big way...helping me become more like Christ which is what it's all about right?

WOW...thanks God...I love You with all my heart...

What did I do to my Hair!!

OK so I got a wild hair...no pun intended...I was tired of my hair being black...sooooo...I decided to lighten it to a good brownish red color...the problem being I have yet to find a hair stylist in Hanford...I know ridiculous right...well my fellow curly headed sisters I'm sure understand my reluctance in trust...Well I decided to drag my very willing and helpful friend Jen along for the wild ride...since I am a licensed cosmetologist I know exactly what to do but this wild mane is a little hard to handle solo...so I had it all planned out...slap the Bleach on together Jen in the back and me in front...I knew my hair would take a little while to lift that crazy black color so I wasn't worried...but...my hair started heating up like crazy...I mean HOT...I assured my dutiful friend that it was nothing to worry about I had everything under control...well after about 30 min + my hair finally lifted to a lovely shade of orange...a very clown friendly color...at this point I could see panic on colton's face and he said "mom...I like your hair black"...I assured him all would be fine once I got the next color on my head...well...yes I did it I put the next set of chemicals on my head and away it went...45 + min later...Huh...wasn't what I expected...still very orangeish gold color now...maybe good for some but a Mexican girl not so much...well I styled it and had to run because of course my schedule was packed as usual...Now..you know it looks bad when your friends say nothing at all and there children look and shriek away from you like...oooo she's scary...so I went on patiently with the thought in the back of my mind...it's off to sally's the first chance I get...now the rational side of me said at least wait a couple of days before you do ANYTHING I mean do you want your hair to fall out...but the you can't go another minute looking like this side of me took over and yes I did it again that night before I went to dinner at Jens house I had to fix it...I just had to...I mean they were waiting to see the final product...I couldn't disappoint not to mention I would never hear the end of it from Paul (Jens husband)... so I did...WHAT!!! Another chemical process on my hair...well...I love the color it's called Cinnamon Brown...but there is a problem...MY CURLS ARE PRACTICALLY NON EXISTENT!!! I'm not kidding...well maybe I'm being a little dramatic but not much...they won't scrunch and the only way I can get it 1/2 way normal is to hold my hair up on the diffuser let it dry remove the diffuser and the curl some how comes back pretty decent but NOT the same...and when it's wet it's straight except for about 3 inches of the very ends...its very scary...I hope it's just in shock...and let me just say none of this is your fault Jen...you were a very good helper and just fallowed my instruction...I blame Rhonda for being out of town and unable to help us and most important unable to talk some sense into me...Just kidding...it's all my fault!!!

Coffee talk Chit-chat Ch. 2 again

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.....

So I was so completely confused about the unveiling beauty part of this chapter on so many levels...but...I do believe I'm gett'n it now...unveiling beauty is unveiling Christ with in our selves/my self...Christ unveiling him self to us becoming a part of us and us revealing him or unveiling His beauty to others through us being like Christ...Are you fallowin me? Am I makin any sense at all? I think I'm confused now...no this make sense to me...does it to you?

What a great meeting tonight...I'm still excited!!!

Coffee Talk Chit-Chat Ch. 2

What Eve Alone Can Tell

Let me just say...I loved some of this chapter...I didn't like some of this chapter and some I'm just not sure how I feel yet...

What did you think?

First let me tell you what I loved...I loved the discussion on the beauty of Creation...the way the author described it from an artist perspective was inspiring...where we as women fell into this beautiful portrait was purposeful...not an after thought...but the finale of a great masterpiece that would have been incomplete without this final layer, touch, stroke. And how the picture of God him self would not have been a complete picture without including us...

I loved the concept of this question on page 26
When you are with a woman, ask yourself, what is she telling me about God?

I also began to see God differently...I am better understanding the concept of looking at me a woman being created in Gods image and relating that to Gods likeness...God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships, that he yearns for relationship with us that he longs to be pursued by us, that he is a jealous God. He is inviting. He is vulnerable. He is tender. He embodies mercy. He is fierce and fiercely devoted, Passionate....characteristics we are born with as women.

My problem lies with with the Beauty to unveil part of this chapter starting on pg 34...and I'm not really sure why...I have some ideas but I'm not sure if there may be issues I have that I'm having a hard time looking at with in my self...or what but I'm sure this will be revealed to me as a proceed further into this journey...But here is one issue for sure that I plan to study further...How much do we or I really know about Eve and her beauty inside or out? I need to search deeper into the bible for the answer to that...
Also on page 41...ugh...it was/is a little difficult for me to relate God to my sexuality...yes I'm a big girl and this isn't usually a difficult conversation for me to have but...well...I'm not sure why this was difficult for me in this context...but...it was...I totally get the concept and the more I read it the more sense it makes but a little difficult for me just the same...
I'll leave you with these statements from page 42...Every woman has a beauty to unveil because she bears the image of God. Beauty is an essence that is given to every woman at her creation.

Coffee Talk Chit-chat. Captivating Ch. 1

Well here we go...wow...I'm getting the sneaking suspicion we are going deep ladies...deep into the woman's spirit...I really feel like this book is going to help me on many levels...with my self of course...with my daughter...and with the women that surround me every day...it's very exciting and maybe just a little scary? Anywho this is what penetrated me most from Ch 1 with some of my own thoughts and opinions as well as some open ended questions that I'm not quite sure what the answers should be...

Ch 1 The Heart of a Woman

On page 8 Staci says this:

God created me as a woman. God created man in his own image (Gen 1:27). What ever it means to bear his Image I do as a woman . My feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities - as a reflection of Gods own heart. And so the journey to discover what God meant when he created woman in his image-when he created me as his woman-The journey begins with my heart. The journey begins with desire.

I have never really looked at the creation of me in this way...yes I've heard and read this scripture time and time again...God created man in his own image...but I've never contemplated the literal me the woman me being a part of God him self or as Staci put it as a reflection of Gods own heart....

So I'm assuming that this is what this book is about...on page 8 it states:

Every woman in her heart longs for 3 things:

1. To be romanced

2. to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure.

3. and to unveil beauty.

Something that really stuck out to me concerning the 1st longing of a woman is on page 9:

A woman wants to feel wanted and fought for...Staci refers to the prince and rescue movies we grow up with as girls and maybe the same concept in the movies we enjoy today...and hear is one of my open ended questions...

Q: Do we feel like this naturally because it's how God made us or did society tell us to feel this way?

Page 10 states...When we are young, we want to be precious to someone-especially Daddy. As we grow older, the desire matures into a longing to a pursued, desired, wanted as a woman.

So some of my out loud thought to this are these:

Q: OK so if when we are young and wanting to be precious to someone especially daddy. what happens to the little girls who don't have a daddy growing up for one reason or another...or...their dads just never treat them as "precious"?

I guess the desire is still present even though the father isn't there physically or emotionally to fill it. But how does the unfulfilled desire affect them?

Pg 10 Author statement:

Most of our addictions ( not all..most) as women flare up when we feel that we aren't loved or sought after.

Q: Do we agree with this statement?

Well here are a FEW of my thoughts on Ch 1 What did you think? Good or bad I'd love to hear them...your thoughts that is...

A Great Day...

We had such an unbelievable day yesterday...thanks to everyone who helped make it happen...we love you all...

In case you didn't know...

This is my Grandpa!!! Chuck Rio was his stage name...his real name was Danny Flores...well...Grandpa to me...He was the sax player for the Champs as well as composer and the voice of "Tequila" !!!!

Just had to tell someone!!!

My mom and dad are on their way I mean they are less than 1 hour away from our front door and I am almost in tears thinking about it...I just can't wait...

We are having a family reunion/party tomorrow to celebrate my Grandfather who past away two years ago on Septembers 19th (Brittani's Birthday)...his birthday was July 11th and it just seemed like a great time to get together remember him well and play lots of musica in his honor...here is a pictures of my grandpa and my dad...Aren't they handsome....

We miss you Bud...

Just browsing through some pictures and came across these of Bud...Poor Bud...we miss you...

Coffee Talk Book Club...How exciting!!!!

I'm so excited to see what God has in store for all of the ladies ready to tackle the book Captivating...we had 16 ladies show up at Penera for our kick-off Coffee talk meeting!!! I love seeing women connecting and just being girls...we had a great time getting to know each other and I'm sure I said way to much and gave way to many details on my most resent "most embarrassing moment"...I hope I didn't scare anyone off...but well...hmmmm...I don't have much to say on that one...Thank you ladies for jumping into the deep end with me...I can't wait to hear all of our views on this book and taking this journey with you all is an honor...

What am I waiting for?

A thought that wont let me go as of late...

Why am I waiting to be who I am???

You may not understand this question but it is tormenting me...Does it ever feel like you are continuously waiting to become who you are?

The writer I know I am but never take the time to be...
The mom I am and some how never quite getting there...
The woman of God that God has already created me to be...
The wife I am on the inside...
The artistic person that I am and always fighting to be more like I SHOULD be...
and the list goes on and on...

What am I waiting for?????

The right circumstance
When I finally loose weight
when I have enough money
when I get more time

It's ridiculous....

I hope by saying this out loud that it's my first baby step into action...I mean we aren't promised tomorrow right????

Words can not express...

This spoke to me deeply...

Almost Done...

Well it's almost over...we went to auction today with Bud and Brit got $3.00 a pound for him!!! Not bad...Not bad at all...she is pretty excited...I can't say that I blame her...

We're just home for a bit from the fair...we have barn duty from 6-8 and then it's time for some fun!!! Look out rides here we come...there is also a great hypnotising show we keep hearing about so we have to go to that...talk to you soon...

By the way...Coffee Talk Girls

By the way girls...if you are unable to meet with us on Thursday's...get the book and join me here for coffee talk chit-chat I will post the reading schedule for you so we can all be on the same page...know pun intended!!! What a dork...anyway I would love to have you join me...More info to come!!!

Coffee Talk Book Club!!!

Coffee Talk Book Club is starting up again and this is our new book...I've missed you ladies...Come join us July 17 at 6:30 pm at Penera in the Target center for our kick off Dinner, tea, coffee...what ever you're in the mood for...to get to know each other and to talk about how the group works...I'm so looking forward to reading this book with you...I can't wait to see what God has in store for all of us!!!!

Great Aunt Brandi...WHAT!!!!

I am going to be a GREAT aunt...how did this happen? I guess the same way I became a"Ma am" and the mother of a teenager...here are a couple of pictures of the little bundle of joy that I can't wait to get my hands on!!! These pictures AMAZE me!!!! And people say God isn't real...Ya right...

Oh by the way the best part of all of this is calling my big sis...GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for sending me these pictures Kasi...I love them...oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

We're Melting!!!!!

Oh my gosh what a tiring week it has been...and HOT!!! The first day of the fair was 115...we literally stayed at the barn keeping bud cooled down so he wouldn't get over heated and DIE...and no...barns don't come with air conditioning...at least this one doesn't...and pigs actually don't sweat so it is very important to keep them cooled with water and such or they really do die...my favorite part of the day was watching Brittani work so hard and enjoy taking GREAT care of her pig and loving Bud through every hot moment...my least favorite part of the day...smelling pig poop heated up to 115 degrees...I miss my facials and pedicures...boy have things changed...so that was Wednesday...Thursday was a little cooler 110 but still the same proses...Bud did great in market...he ended up in the 1st round of pigs for the auction and at top weight...(they stop paying out at 165)...brit will make a little profit on Bud...Today was only 104 I can't believe I'm going to say this but here it goes...it was sooooo much cooler...Brittani did great in showmanship today...she has really improved...her best is getting better and better...we are very proud of her...now Darin and Colton are happily playing a baseball ps2 video game in a wonderfully cool house...I'm here writing you all and poor Brit is still battling the heat at Cheer practise...what a trooper...Tomorrow is auction where people come from all over and bid on how much they will pay per pound for bud and all the other piggies...we will get to the barn in the morning and find Bud with a number on his back placing him in auction...we will wait until our turn and Brit will go in the ring to show him while they bid...I guess the whole proses goes pretty quickly because they only get 1 minute per pig...so...we'll see...it's another adventure...

until next time...I hope you are cooler than we are...

The Fair already????

Well tomorrow is the beginning of the end for Bud...I can smell the bacon already!!! Just kidding...it's easier to joke about it than to think about it...poor Bud...The fair starts tomorrow!!! Brittani and Darin will be going to our friends the Gillum's at 4:15 yes a.m. to load Bud up for the last time...Tomorrow is weigh-in Thurs. is Market when they judge the quality and worth of the pig Friday is showmanship when they judge Brittani and that leaves Friday sell day...yep Bud is dead pig walking...as of Sunday he weighed a whopp'n 270lbs...things are look'n goooooood...Bruce and Rhonda let us borrow their video camera so we should have some pretty entertaining footage for y'all real soon...well here we go on this wild ride...wish us luck...oh and by the way it's supposed to be in the 100's all weekend...ugh...

Too Long

It's been too long!!! I had an inspirational thought, moment, observation today...Do you ever wish you can see every moment as a God moment? One thing I know for sure...I do want to see God in my moments...I often pray and even wrote a worship song about it...the words are this...

Help me see with Your eyes
reach with Your hands
love with Your heart
fill every part
make me in Your image
take my will complete
to be pleasing to You
Your love makes my new

Make me who You are
reveal to me Your heart
help me understand
my life is in Your hands

Today I had a moment...I am striving to be like Christ...but sometimes I forget, get distracted from my purpose...and then GRACE and MERCY...God takes the time to remind little old insignificant me what in the world I am here for...not for my schedules, appointments, Calendar dates...yes they are part of it but God has to be in all of my life...in my moments...I warn you it's not easy...compassion is...dificult...it hurts sometime when God helps you to see the people He has strategically placed in our lives through His eyes...and it's not always easy or convenient to be His hand extended to them...it can get...messy...but God has made us get your hands dirty kind of people...so do it....just do it!!! Reach out and get your hand dirty...let your heart hurt...cry...love...pray...God is faithful he wont leave you hang'n when you don't know what you've gotten your self into...it is totally 100% worth every painful, joyful, God given moment...