What I'm learning from Chapter 3:
Those of you whom haven't known me for a long period of time may not know that I spent about 5 years completely away from God...I left God...He didn't leave me. And about 5 more years of trying to get back to a 100% full throttle relationship with Christ...During the first 5 years I was this woman...
When a woman falls from grace, what is most deeply marred is her tender vulnerability, beauty that invites to life. She becomes a dominating, controlling woman or a desolate, needy mousy woman. Or some odd combination of both, depending on her circumstances.
Fallen Eve controls her relationships. She refuses to be vulnerable. And if she cannot secure her relationships, then she kills her heart's longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control. She becomes a woman "who doesn't need anyone especially a man."
I have felt many things while reading this chapter...one being I'm so glad I'm reading this book...but also I have felt mourning...mourning the girl I was without Christ...not that I want to be her again...but that I was ever her at all...it's interesting not to enter this subject with guilt and shame...I see now that God has healed me of that and I am thankful...I believe it is crucial sometimes to look back and see wear you have come from so God can show you all he's done in your life, where you are now and even a glimpse into where you are heading...and this is what he is doing for me write now at this time reading this chapter...I feel my throat tightening even now thinking of that lost, sad, lonely girl I was without hope for tomorrow...and my thankful heart sores with emotion and love for God and all he has done for me...in me...Thank you Lord for never giving up on me...amen
But I also see the things that I fight not to be today...cut off emotionally from people, not allowing my self to be vulnerable to the point that my own emotions are out of my control...these are my present day struggles that I must overcome...so...God is showing me that there is something to learn from looking back...for me...defining where these behaviors are stemming from is key to helping me become more like Christ and letting this stuff go...and honestly I have not put two and two together until reading Ch. 3...so if I didn't learn one more thing from this book I am walking away with a wealth of knowledge already...this is changing my life in a big way...helping me become more like Christ which is what it's all about right?
WOW...thanks God...I love You with all my heart...